Monday, February 20, 2012

Let's Watch "Teen Wolf" - Episode 1: Pilot



EXPECTATIONS: I was pretty much against watching this because it's MTV and they're known for their trashy gimmicks and whatnot but, after reading about it in last week's issue of Entertainment Weekly, I decided to give it a try. Giving it a chance mostly because it's been a while since MTV has had a scripted show. Who knows? Maybe they've improved. Maybe they're not like The Jersey Shore or any of their other ridiculous "reality" television shows. We shall see...

ANALYSIS: This show plays on every single cliche a paranormal show can and then some. Wherever they try to be dramatic only comes out as awkward teen raging. There are horrible jokes ("No, a body of water. Yes, dumbass! A dead body!") and horrible dialogue that reminds me of the way immature 13-year-old children would speak. For example, one of the first exchanges between the main character (I forgot his name already) and the love interest, Allison goes like this:
Allison: I feel really stupid.
Dude (because I don't remember his name): How come?
Allison: I don't know. 'Cause I freaked out like a total girl (is this real life???).
Dude: You are a girl (because girls are supposed to freak out whenever they hit dogs with their cars *rolls eyes*)
Allison: I freaked out like a girly girl and I'm not a girly girl (.................oh god.)

And then the Dude pokes fun at himself saying that he would "cry like the girliest girl ever and not cry like a man" and comments on how pathetic it is. Really, Dude? That reminded me of the time I played Left 4 Dead 2 with this group of people and someone new entered our game and immediately said, "I'm a girl." What the hell does gender have to do with whatever it is you do? There are so few things to do that require gender specifications, it's really not necessary. So way to let them play on that, MTV. Way to go.

Okay dokay...that's really all I wanted to rant about. LET'S SEE THE CHECKLIST OF CLICHES! (USING A SQUARE ROOT SIGN LULZ)
[√] - Kids who are bored wander into the woods by themselves.
[√] - Kid stumbles upon a gruesome body and staggers backwards only to run into the creature that masticated on said gruesome body.
[√] - Cliche stereotypes are cliche. Like the jock who interrogates Dude for suddenly besting him in sports..."Where are you getting your juice!?" Uh. LAWLZ!! I WILL FOREVER LOVE THIS LINE!!
[√] - "Nerdy" kid is ripped, even pre-wolfbite.
[√] - Awkward, cheesy, sexist exchange between hero and heroine.
[√] - OBLIGATORY EYE CANDY (Tyler Hoechlin). Unfortunately, even you, beautiful man, cannot save this show.

[√] - Dude goes from "zero to hero". I don't really fault them for this though 'cause it's totally necessary to illustrate his newfound abilities. It's just the way it was executed that makes it cliche—dark area, nightvision, bounding around, etc.
[√] - Dude has a douche for a friend who freaks out about his abilities before Dude figures it out.
[√] - Dude HULK!RAAAAAGES LAWLZ
[√] - BAD ACTING LAWLZLAWLZLAWLZ WHY IS THE ACTING SO BAD!?!? LOLOL
[√] - Cliche "eerie" music. REET*REET*REET!!
[√] - OBLIGATORY "ACTION" SEQUENCE WHERE THEY DON'T SHOW HOW OR WHO DID WHAT LAWLZ
[√] - Dude says something cheesy and vague in an attempted "apology" and automatically wins over love interest.
[√] - Close loved one of love interest is a werewolf!hater LAWLZ

THE VERDICT: WHY IS THIS SHOW SO BAD!?!? It wasn't trashy like I expected but it wasn't very entertaining either. I'll give it props that it tried its best but it was so hit and miss. The only part I enjoyed was when they took shots at shows like 16 and Pregnant but that's about it. Unintentionally hilarious so do not want. This show has gone in the same direction as Vampire Diaries only quicker to bring on the teen drama with more cheese coupled with awkward dialogue that's as deep as a kiddie pool.

GRADE: D-/F+
IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL LOVE: The Vampire Diaries

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